And since I could die at any moment, of anything at all, I'd better get crackin'.
"Get crackin'"--can someone please, puh-leeze tell me where I come up with this stuff? I have no idea--one will stick in my poor brain and pop out every day for weeks. I tire myself, I really do.
Anyway, so someone had this list on her blog, and it made me think: are there 100 things I want to do? It's gonna be tough, as I do pretty much what I want and have done most of the things I'd like to do. Plus I'm not very adventurous, in the way of wanting to leap out of planes and shit. People, that does NOT appeal to me at all. Leaping out of planes, plunging off buildings or bridges. Jumping off pretty much anything that's not on fire. I get enough thrills from daily life without having to do things to give me an adrenalin rush. I can scare the crap out of myself by lying in bed at night and imagining that, when I go in to take a pee, I'll lift the lid of the toilet and there will be a severed human HEAD floating in there, LOOKING at me. With its mouth open and grinning horribly. Aieeeeee!
This has been The Scariest Thing in the World to me for as long as I can remember, and it's the kind of thing you can pull out and mull over, late at night, in the dark, whenever life seems dull or boring.
And no, I don't think my parents ever threatened to cut my head off and put it in the toilet. Not that I remember, anyway.
So. 100 Things I Want to Do. Sheesh. This is going to take a while.
1. Write another book.
2. Clean off my desk and keep it cleaned off so that I never, ever have to come out here and look at it and go, "Oy!" and just turn around and walk away.
3. Get sleeves. On both arms.
4. Establish and maintain a daily yoga-and-meditation practice. I get close for months at a time, but then Life gets in the way, and it's tough to get back.
5. Get back in the habit of taking a walk every single day.
6. LEARN TO DRAW, DAMMIT!
7. Learn Photoshop Elements and master those scary layer things.
8. Call my father. I keep forgetting.
9. Buy and set up an external hard drive and USE IT for backing up.
10. Go to New York City.
11. Go to Key West and ride a bike through town at dawn and sunset (yeah, I read a book).
12. Learn to play the saxophone. I have one I borrowed and tried to learn, but I'm going to have to wait until my fingers quit changing--you know,the arthritis change where each joint, one at a time, goes through this painful stage where it's swollen and aches and then quits changing and is just twisted and knotty. Until they go through the changes, though, it's just too painful to press the keys.
13. Learn to make digital videos.
14. Make videos on YouTube.
15. Have someone else organize and pay for a book tour so I don't have to do it all myself. Sheesh--have someone else organize ALL my travel so I don't have to do it myself.
You know, this just isn't going to work. I'm sitting here wracking my brain, and I can't think of anything I want to do. Everything I want to do, I do already. The things I would have listed last year, I've done. The things I would have listed six months ago, I've done. There are other things that I wouldn't mind doing--go to Paris (if someone else made all the arrangements, up to and including driving us to the airport and delivering us to the door of our room at the French hotel) and Greece and Italy, but if I don't do it, I won't mind. And if I had to make all the arrangements and pay for it all, then never mind. Listen: if you have OCD and one of your Thangs that provokes Big Anxiety is leaving your house to go on a trip, then imagine what it's like to BE on the trip, to have to keep track of where you are and where you're going and where you're going to stay, for pete's sakes (not anywhere with loose hairs in the bathroom, please jesus!) and knowing what highway is next and where north is every single fucking second. It's just so very tiring. So I want to travel only on someone else's arrangements. Where I can just not be in control of ANYTHING. I think maybe I should just be Queen. Only without the little white gloves and those silly-looking hats. What's up with those? Get a Stetson or something.
I guess the thing I want most in life is to keep having the life I have, living here with The EGE and the cats (and he just came in and told me that Monk, living in The Cat Palace, has escaped yet AGAIN, for about the 6th time. And the Skanky Neighbors From Hell have set the trap yet AGAIN, the assholes (remember, they promised IN FRONT OF THE COPS that they wouldn't do this any more)). So hey! That's something I want to do: buy the houses on either side of us and use them for: 1) a cat house for our cats, complete with an 8-foot metal fence around the backyard so they can't escape, but with landscaping and a goldfish pond and trees to make them happy and 2) an art retreat house so I can have people come for altered clothing art retreats. Wouldn't that be GRAND?
So that would be #16 and #17.
18. Have an art retreat, a mini one, with just maybe 10 people at a time. I don't know if it would work. If not, we could make the house into a huge studio. If, that is, we could get all the residual smoke out of it. Those people smoke CONSTANTLY. The one guy, the neighbor on the other side, alwaysalwaysalways has a cigarette hanging on his lower lip. I think it might actually be some sort of growth or something.
Ok. I obviously need help doing this. I need 82 more things I want to do before I die. Yikes.
19. Go to bed and read. Ahhhhh.