Some people imagine that because The EGE and I get along so well, we must never argue or disagree or yell or cuss (OK, that would be mostly me). And I just have to snort. I grew up arguing with my father as a matter of course. I was good at it and could win most arguments with anyone by the time I went to college.
And then I met The EGE. Goodlordalmighty. He grew up arguing not just with his daddy, but with eight brothers and countless other relatives and friends and guys from the neighborhood. These are people for whom arguing is an art form and also serious recreation. I have witnessed marathon arguments that have continued for HOURS. Meals are served and consumed during these arguments. Dishes are washed and small children fall asleep on the floor.
[And here's a note that I take it is a Cultural Difference: whereas We White People tend to believe that one person at a time talks, and then another one talks, and so on--that is not how everyone else does it. I learned by immersion, and now, of course, I find the one-person-at-a-time way slow-paced and boring. Of course, as I get older and less adept at multi-tasking, it's going to be tougher to follow the threads of three or four tangents simultaneously. But it's never boring! It's like a tapestry, as the thread of one argument will twist over into another one across the room, and they'll mesh for a while (think of tag-team arguing) and then separate again.]
Anyway, there's no chance that we're not going to argue, not with our early training. Thing is, I learned after, oh, about 10 or 15 years (yeah, I'm a little slow sometimes) that I was never, ever going to win. Never. What's that all about? I grew up winning! I can out-talk anyone! I'm the Queen of Arguing!
Except it's like chess: the King trumps the Queen (oh, wait: "trump" is in bridge, isn't it? I'm mixing my gaming metaphors, which just shows you how little I know about games), and in The EGE's family, they say that he will argue with a stop sign. And the unspoken part: and always win. So, obviously, he's the King of Arguing. How I loathe admitting that in print.
So although we still argue, it's a lot less vociferously--I'm not such a slow learner that I'll keep expending huge amounts of energy on something with no appreciable return. And do we disagree about things? Like, oh, say, politics? Oh, honey, you betcha. He? Loved Hillary. I did not. I? Voted in 2000 for Ralph Nader. He? Never let me forget that all the Nader supporters cost Gore the election (which, of course, I do not believe: Bush's daddy's friends were going to steal it no matter what).
In one otherwise forgettable election, That One (that would be My Husband, The Traitor, not That One, The Candidate) voted for David Duke (yes, that would be David Duke, The Imperial Hoo-Ha of the Ku Klux Klan. I am not joking here. It's a long story) because he said he'd rather have a racist he knew than a racist he didn't know. I? Voted for Jesse Jackson, never mind that I believe with all my heart that religion is dangerous in any form and should be kept far, far away from politics. But there you go. We went to the polling center together and walked in and cast these two votes. Imagine the discussions!
So, yeah, we've been arguing about the election around here. But here's what it boils down to: we agree on the fundamentals. We argue about the details. It keeps life interesting. I've consigned myself to the fact that I will never, ever win.
PS How do we define ourselves, politically? Our voter registration cards are stamped "Republican" because we vote in the local elections for Republicans we know and with whom we have worked in various things over the years--the judge who lives down the street, the sheriff we know, etc. In the national elections? I would like to vote for the libertarians and the Greens and sometimes the Socialists. I do if it's not a big election, but I learned my lesson about diluting the vote in 2000 and so now, in the Big Ones, I vote for the Democrat who's most likely to beat whoever's running. In my heart, it's always ABR--anybody but the republicans. And The EGE? He'll tell you right off: he's a yellow-dog Democrat from the cradle.
Managing a sense of beyond
9 hours ago